"Please take a moment to light a candle for our precious baby boy"






Welcome to this memorial website

we have created

in the memory of our, very much

longed for, first child,

Kieran Lee Element  "Baby-Boo"

who was born in  the UK

on 5th October 2000

and very sadly taken from us 

on 7th October, 2000 .

We will remember him always

and forever.  

Good-Night Sweetheart. 










  Thank~You for this lovely picture

 I was 19 when we became pregnant with Kieran.  But I have to admit I was happy and scared at the same time.   I loved the idea of holding my newborn in my arms, but would we be good parents?  Would we know when he wanted food, or when he was cold? All the usual worries when you become pregnant.  But we were not prepared for what was going to happen to us.



All my scans and check-ups were great.  All on the right lines, over the right figures, under the right % etc etc.  We could see our beautifully developing baby moving and see his tiny heart beating.



I was admitted to hospital at 39 weeks because of Reduced Fetal Movement.  We were put onto a scanner to monitor his heart rate and check that everything was okay.  We were in the hospital for about two hours (but seemed like a lifetime) and then sent back home because they were happy with everything.  We were so relieved.



It was less than a week later when I returned to the labour ward with very heavy contractions.
I was settled into my room and then examined.  I was already 7 cm's dilated.  I was thinking great, a couple of hours and we will be out of here as our new family.



I  was admitted at 4am and gave birth to our beautiful baby boy at 12:27pm.  He weighed 8lb 5oz and was 21 inches long.  He looked perfect in every way, except one thing his dad noticed.  He was very blue and was bubbly around his mouth.  They said he was fine. 



After spending a little time with our son I went to have a bath, and my partner went home to grab some things.  Meanwhile the midwives took Kieran to SCBU to give him some oxygen because his dad had convinced them there was something wrong with him.

.

After about 20 minutes I decided to get out of the bath, freshen up and go and see my most perfect precious baby, and hold and cuddle him.  I was so excited that I was tingling all over.  
That was until I walked out of the bathroom to be faced with a group of professionals.
"We have some bad news to tell you", they said, "we are afraid your son has been admitted to ICBU because the oxygen wasn't helping him".
I just broke down in tears asking why?  Why Kieran?  What have I ever done to deserve this?  My mum, who was there with us through the whole labour and everything, then rang my partner and my dad and told them what had happened.  They were back at the hospital within 20 minutes, bearing in mind the journey would normally take half an hour.



We all sat in disbelief from about 2pm till about 8pm, when we were finally allowed in to see our baby.  He was so perfect.  I just remember thinking he is bound to pull through.  He is so big and looks so healthy he can't leave us now.  We loved him so much and had grown such a bond even though the time we had spent with him was cut short.  Surely life isn't that cruel to split this most perfect family apart. 



For the next 30 hours my partner and I, along with both our parents, were in a complete daze, and were on the biggest emotional roller-coaster possible.  He was getting really poorly, then getting better, then going down hill again.  Nobody knew what was the matter with him, or what was causing his ill health.  Test result after test result came back negative.  Then he turned a corner, and would be able to be transferred to SCBU and finally things were looking up.  Our baby will be in my arms in our house very soon.  Or so we thought.



Within about half an hour of having received the best news in the whole world, it all came crashing down around us.  A midwife came running into our room and said we need to go and spend some last precious minutes with our baby boy because he wasn't going to pull through, and if he needed reviving they were not prepared to do it again.  It was going to cause more damage than good.
It sunk very slowly in as we rushed to his side.



It was Kieran's way of telling us he was tired and that he wanted to be left to sleep.  So we gave him our blessings and agreed that this was what was best for him, even if it was going to shatter our lives, he was the main concern.  At least we had the chance to meet our baby boy and bond with him, and then have the chance to say good-night, sleep tight before he left us for good.



We got him blessed and my partner and I spent a few minutes alone with him to give him one last cuddle and kiss and say Good-Bye before he slipped away forever.  Never to be held again.



  The midwife then came to put him back in his incubator while they turned the machines off and let him drift into his eternal sleep.  However when they went to take him from his dad  he said he wanted to hold him in his arms when we let him slip away.  He was so brave.  All I can remember then was all the lines on his monitors fall to a slow and steady line of lifelessness.  He had left us forever and gone to a better place.  I was that upset I just could not shed a tear.  I was paralysed.



We spent a few hours with him in our room. 
We bathed him and just cuddled him.  We did all the things you should do with a perfect new-born baby like ours.



It was then time to go.
The worst feeling was getting in the car with an empty car seat and no baby to show off to all the passers by.  No balloons and teddies, just cards of Sympathy and flowers.



The journey home felt like days.  I kept looking in the back seat where we strapped Kierans car seat in expecting it all to be one big nightmare and my gorgeous baby boy to be asleep in it.  But he wasn't there, he wasn't asleep.  It wasn't a nightmare.  It really was happening to us.



We went to visit him everyday from October 5th, the day he was born, to October 19th, the day before his funeral, except for the couple of days when he went for the autopsy.  He looked even more perfect everyday we went to visit him.  We felt this helped to grow a special bond with him before we had to let him go for good.  It would also give us more memories to cherish.



The results from the autopsy came back and our son had died from Persistant Pulmonary Hypertension, but no cause found.  Why couldn't they find a cause?  Why didn't they try harder to keep him alive?  Had I done something whilst I was pregnant?  There were so many questions running through my head.



Then the dreaded day came.  The Funeral.  To be honest most of it was a blur.  I can remember the second the hurse pulled up outside my house.  Inside was this tiny white coffin with my dead son's body inside surrounded by floral tributes from family and friends.  Why couldn't he breathe on his own?  What wasn't working properly?  Again all kinds of questions went through my head as we got in.  The drive to the church was only about two miles, but it felt as if we were driving for about an hour.  Everybody starring at us as we drove past them. 



We pulled up outside the church, where hundreds of family members and friends gathered to say good-bye to our precious baby boy. We didn't really notice exactly who was there but it meant so much to us to have such a huge turn out for our baby.



We sat at the front of the church and then Whitney Houston "I Will Always Love You" started playing.  Kierans body was then carried down the aisle in his tiny white coffin and placed on a stand at the front of the church.  The coffin was so small.  We couldn't believe a human being was actually inside it.  Our beautiful Baby boy.



The service was lovely.  All the beautiful readings, poems and songs that we had for him. Then the service finished and Leanne Rimes "How Do I Live Without You?" played as we followed our son's coffin out of the church and to the car, which we were going to drive in to our baby's place of burial. 



At his burial we all stood around his grave as his tiny defenseless body was lowered into the ground.  Everybody left in dribs and drabs, and eventually we left having to come to terms with the fact that that was the very last time we would ever see our very loved and longed for first born.



Kieran, we miss you so much and think of you every waking moment.  Your sister Chloe-Leigh and baby brother Rhys-Lee know all about you, and we will never let them forget about you.  You mean so much to us all.  You are our special star that twinkles in the night sky.  The first flower that blossoms at Spring time.  Our little man who we all love dearly.

"Our baby boy was lent not given,
taken from us and sent to Heaven."

Good-Night Sleep-Tight our most precious Angel.








"Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep"

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the mornings hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight,

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there, I did not die. 

(This is the poem that was read out at our baby boys funeral)





An Angel


An Angel came one morning,
A visit he did pay.
That angel took my baby,
And tore my heart away.

So innocent was my baby,
An angel in my eye.
My baby didn't whimper,
Only gave a little sigh.

I truly love that baby,
More than words could ever say.
Lord, why did that angel come,
And take my babe away?

The answers, I will never know,
For it is your chosen way.
I know my babe's in heaven,
Safe in your arms, I pray.

Lord, help me to see that light,
So that I may understand.
And when I see my babe again,
It is in your promised land.

You're always in my heart beautiful baby.

Angel friends are special friends just like you sweet-heart.

We say a prayer for you everyday Sweet-Heart.

Kieran Lee - "As beautiful as a rose"




A rose once grew where all could see,
sheltered beside a garden wall.
And, as the days passed swiftly by,
it spread its branches, straight and tall.

One day, a beam of light shone through
a crevice that had opened wide.
The rose bent gently toward its warmth
then passed beyond to the other side.

Now, you who deeply feel its loss,
be comforted, the rose blooms there.
Its beauty even greater now,
nurtured by God's own loving care. 

"Our baby boy was lent not given,
taken from us and sent to Heaven."


In Memory Of A Dear Son

Something will remind me
I never know just when,
It might be something someone says
And it all comes back again.

The limited time we spent together
The happiness, the fun,
Once again I feel the pain
Of life without my son.

It's said that time's healer
I'm not sure this is true,
There's not a day goes by
That I don't cry for you.

I think of you, my precious little angel, every day and every night - every waking and sleeping moments.

The brightest star in the sky

I count down the moments till we meet again.

      

and lots and lots and lots and lots of

"A Mothers Love"

I didnt have to look in your eyes to fall in love with you.

I didnt need to hear you cry to know you loved me too.
 
I didnt need to hold your hand to cherish you for always.

Within my womb, we shared our hearts.

You sweetened my spirit.

You gave me memories i'll always hold dear.

Yes, my heart aches since you departed too soon.

But a mothers loves doesnt end with death.

For you are my child,

Forever my love is yoursxxx



IYOU

"God Said"

I said, God I hurt
And God said, I know

I said, I cry alot
And God said, That's why I gave you tears

I said, Life is so hard
And God said, That's why I gave you loved ones

I said, But my loved one died!!
And God said, So did mine!!

I said, But your loved one lives!!
And God said, So does yours!!

I said, Where is he now??
And God said, My Son is by my side and
Your Son is in my arms!!

Good-night sleeptight sweetheart