Missing you  / Mummy

Hello baby boy.  I guess I should stop calling you a baby now because you are 9 now and if you were here you would be telling me to quit it.  I can't believe you are 9 already.  It has gone by so quickly but I do still think of you every single day and wonder what you would look like.  Would you look like me or daddy or maybe neither of us.  One thing I do know is you would have been so beautiful.  You could tell that right fromthe second I clapped my eyes on yours.  I thought straight away that you would be a heartbreaker.  Well I guess I am right to some degree but not in the positive sense hey.  The only good thing that has come of you being the chosen one and taken to Heaven is that we know you are safe from anything that could harm or hurt you and that you are healthy and not suffering anymore.

We took your flowers up to your grave on Tuesday but you probably saw that. They are beautiful just like you.  They have alsorts of flowers in them.  Steve is so good at arranging them.  He even remembered to put Lillies in them.  It is still really hard to go to your grave because it brings back memories of when we buried you.  Picturing your tiny defensless body lying motionless in that beautiful tiny white coffin.  But it is even harder to leave you up there once we visited.  It almost feels like we are abandoning you.

Rhys is at school full time now and I think he likes it.  But he does have days where he would rather stay at home with Daddy.  Chloe is loving school.  I think the fact that Mrs D is her teacherreally helps because Chloe adores her.

It was Shays 1st birthday a couple of weeks ago.  I can't believe where it has gone.  The weeks and months just fly by.  Before I know it we will be celebrating Christmas.

Keiras birthday is on Monday and we have bought her some really noisy toys because you know how much Uncle Chris hates noisy toys lol.

I miss you so much baby boy and pray every night for one last chance to hold you kiss you and say Goodbye.

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Merry Christmas Sweetheart  / Mummy Who Just Wanted Her Baby With Her At X-mas (Mummy)

Kieran

It is hard not to have you with me all year round, but especially when it comes to times when it is a time for families.  Our family is perfect but would be complete if you were here with us.  We all miss you, and wanted you here with us to do things that we take for granted, like decorating the tree, waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve, opening presents and eating so many sweets and chocolates you feel ill.

I hope you had the best day ever with all your special Angel friends, and that you took a moment to think of us you left behind.  I know you are in a better place but just wish you had hung on for a little longer so as we could have made more precious memories that we could cling onto when you left us.

I think of you everyday little man.  When they say time is a healer I am not convinced, because I am in as much pain thinking of you today, as I was the day you gave up the battle and we laid you to rest.  I think that because we had so much love to give you it was such a shock when you weren't there to give it to.

Chloe talks about you all the time, and Rhys has started talking about you more recently, which, although it feels like my heart has been pulled from inside, is so nice to hear, because they are carrying you with them in their hearts also.  You touched so many people, even years after you left you make such an impact.  But we always knew this was going to happen because you are such a beautiful, special little boy.  I understand, that because you are so special you were a chosen one and you had to go, but if I had known that you were going to be I would have wished for you to chose me and your daddy, every night I carried you inside of me.

The bond that we have is greater than any other man made or natural bond that can be made, and for as long as I am breathing and beyond, when we are re-united, this will be the case.

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Happy Birthday  / Mummy Of A. Very Special Birthday Angel (Very proud mummy )

Happy birthday for yesterday my little man.  I hope you liked your flowers, I thought they were gorgeous - Just like you.  But then I would say that, I am your mummy.  But anybody who saw you, or in fact any of your pictures would say the same.  I miss you so much baby, and it still really hurts when I think of what god has taken from me.  I know everything happens for a reason but I still don't know why he took you.  You would have had so much love that you wouldn't be able to move for it all, so why he thought he should take you away I do not understand.  Maybe one day I will understand and may even come to accept that I will have to wait longer than most mummys to have their next cuddke with their baby.  But at the moment I can't seem to get my head around it.  I look forward to every morning for the fact that I am one day closer to seeing you again.

Your sister and brother came uo yesterday with us too.  Chloe, even though she never met you, misses you like crazy.  And in all honesty Rhys is still young to understand but he loved running around the long grass and getting filthy.  But he does look at your picture and say your name every now and then.  Hopefully it is your way of letting us know you are near, and not far away playing.

I love you with every little bit of my heart, and you are my everything, my special little man.  Big floaty kisses coming your way.  Sleep tight Boo.

xxxx

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I MISS YOU SO MUCH  / Mummy Who Misses You Like Crazy

Hello my precious special little man.  I miss you so much and am finding it hard not to think of you and get upset everyday.  I know you are happy and safe where you are but want you here so as I can hold you, touch you, kiss you, play with you, provide for you and all the things that mums do for their children. 

Chloe talks about you a lot, and I would love for you two to have met and to have been friends.  She looks up to you and even says that she misses you although she has never actually met you.  That is how everybody who has been blessed enough to have met, seen or heard about you feels.  This is because you are so special and I talk of you all the time to friends.  I even had a customer come into work last week, and she mentioned how she had lost her daughter at the age of two days old, three years ago.  She was wanting to start a website for her special angel and I mentioned that I had this one for you.  Put it this way by the end of our deep and meaningful conversation she had me in tears.  Tears of guilt that I couldn't keep you safe, tears of joy because you are such a special angel and tears of sadness because I can't do all those things with you that a parent should.

Anyway I applied for the car sales job at South Herefordshire in Whitchurch on Friday evening, and have been asked, already, to go for an interview this Thursday.  I am so excited.  The advert6 had asked for somebody with sales and motor car experience, so never thought they would look twice at my application.  So you can only but imagine my face when I listened to the voicemail asking me to call them back, and then for them to tell me they wanted to see me.  I really really want this job but am not getting my hopes up too much because as I said I have no car sales experience.  So please sweetheart look over me and help me get through Thursday.

Am missing you so much.  I just want one more day with you to show you and tell you how much I love you.  You wouldn't think that a bond of love could ever grow so strong as mine for you in the short period of time I had you, but it has, and I will hold onto the few memories that I have of you.

Please stay safe and wait for me

I LOVE YOU SWEETHEART 

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I love you  / Mummy Who Wants To Hold And Cuddle U.

Hello my precious bundle

I hope you are having funon the clouds.  I just wish it was a little warmer. 

Aunty Gem has had her baby boy.  Still no name even though he is 6 weeks old.  Opps she likes the name Luke, which I think is nice.

Jake has also had his 1st birthdy. It is mad how quck tht has gone.

Aunty Kel and uncle Chris are having another baby too.  I cant wait.  The only trouble is I get sad everytime I hold a baby because it reminds me of you, and all the cuddles we missed, but then makes every cuddle we did have extra special.

Hope you didnt send too many Valentns cards.  I got a huge bunch of flowers off daddy,Lilys my favourite, but then you probaby knew that before i did.

Chloe and Rhys are really well.  Had Chloes parents evening a couple of weeks ago and she is doing really well, love her.

Rhys is now at playschol 4 days a week and is now loving it.  They all love him to bits and he is doing really well also.

No more news for you, only that I love you, miss you and need you.  But then you knew that already.

Sleep tight Sweetheart and keep warm.  Forever in my heart xxx

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Sorry / Mummy
Hello my precious little angel
I am so sorry I haven't been on for so long but we have all been up to so much over the last couple of months.
First of all we have just moved house.  Not far from our old house, but it still took a lot of organising, and we are just about settled in now.  Which is nice, just in time for christmas.  You would have loved it, cause the garden is lovely.  I often look out of the patio and picture you running around playing with Chloe and Rhys, or just swinging on the swing set or kicking a ball around with daddy.
I have also gone back to work after 3 years of looking after Chloe and Rhys.  I am training to become a Pharmaceutical Dispenser for Boots.  It sounds really posh but just basically means sorting organising and dispensing drugs for various scripts.  I am really enjoying it and everyone I work with is great, but it was really scary when I first started but I have now settled in and feel as if I have been working with them all for years.
Rhys has also just started Playschool.  Can you believe that.  He goes 2 full days a week at the moment and really loved it last week, but this week wasnt quite so keen, but they say once he has been left at school for a couple of minutes he is fine.  I just think he gets upset to make us feel bad for leaving him.  If it was up to me I wouldnt send him till he had to go but he has to really.  Especially now I am working full time and daddy is working from home.  With Rhys around he is not able to concentrate and he needs to be able to now because he has now got a sponsor and he is doing really well with it, and they are really pleased with him and his progress.  Baby keep your fingers crossed he gets a permanent contract in the new year.
I still cant believe that Christmas is just around the corner. I am so excited. Chloe is just as bad but I dont think that Rhys truly understands yet, and Daddy is the same as every year. Doesnt want the decos up till christmas eve and pack them away boxing day but there is no chance of that happening. I just really wish you were here with us just for one christmas. I would give up my whole world for it, even if it was just an hour. Just long enough to see you open a present. See your face when you see the decorations and lights, and Santa. Just long enough to hold you kiss you and cuddle you and for me to tell you that I love you so much.
I have your presents all wrapped under the tree. It seems strange that I am buying you gifts that you will never truly receive. Gifts that are just kept in your memories box. 
I think you have probably heard enough of me rabbiting on so I will finish now, even though I could talk to you forever and a day.
Just remember how much we all love you and that we all think of you all the time.
I just wish I could have you hear to say goodbye to you just one last time.  Please wait for me at the gates my angel, because when i come I want to hold you and never let you go.
Love you forever my baby boy.
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Held deep in my heart  / Dessa Smith (friend)
I think of you always. My Joseph always wanted to have children so bad. He was great with his nephews. I know he is holding and hugging precious Kieran for you. sending my love. Dessa Close

Thinking of you and your Mommy on Mother's Day!  / Jessie Kilian's Mom

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Happy easter  / Dessa Smith (Friend)
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Good-night sleep tight sweetheart  / Mummy Wishing U. Goodnight Sweetheart

Good-night Sleep tight Sweetheart
Mummy misses you
and
loves you with all her heart
and
wishes you were here with her.
x x x

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I Miss You "Baby-Boo"  / Mummy Who Needs 2. Hold U. (Very lucky mummy )
x x x x x x x x x
Morning my special little angel.
I can't believe how beautiful it is outside today.  This tells me you are smiling down on us all, because the day is almost as beautiful as you.
I miss you like crazy and wish I could hold you just 1 last time, knowing it was my last time.  But I would never let you go if I knew, because we wanted you so badly, to then have to say good-bye after such a short space of time was devastating.
I almost felt as if I had nothing, physically, left inside me.  I am slowly re-building it, but even after over 6 years, and a beautiful daughter, Chloe-Leigh, and a second beautiful son, Rhys-Lee, it is difficult to do without you around, their big brother, Kieran-Lee.  There are limited memories of our short time together, but so many reminders that knock me back.
I am struggling hard this time of year with a double knock back, as you are not here to tell me you love me, on Mothers Day, and hand me that bunch of flowers you delicately picked from the garden, with your brother and sister.  Neither are you here to sing Happy Birthday, also on Mothers Day this year, whilst being videoed on the camcorder for our memories portfolio.
I keep you next to my heart, and think of you everyday, happy in the knowledge that I am 1 day closer to meeting with you again.
I love you my baby-boo and look forward to the day I see you.
Miss you with all of my heart precious angel.  Take care and look out for all your angel friends and their loved ones.
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Happy St. Patricks Day Kieran!  / Jessie Kilian's Mom
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Happy Valentines Day Kieran!  / Jessie Kilians' Mom
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Auntie Gem has had her baby  / Mummy Who Is Missing You So Much
Hello sweetheart just quickly popped on while I had a chance to tell you that I miss u so much and that I love you with all my heart.
It has been snowing lots today which your brother and siser have loved playing in, and we have all built a snowman.
I also wanted to let you know that Auntie Gem has had her baby.  His name is Jake and he is doing really well.  I wish you were here to see and play with him.
We all miss you o much baby that I feel there is a gap here without you, which we are having to live with.
Love to you always and sweet dreams baby boo
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friend / Dessa Smith Joseph's Mom (friend)
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MERRY XMAS FROM MY ANGEL TO YOURS.  / CHRIS (BRADLEY EVANS FAMILY )
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Sweet Dreams Sweetheart  / Mummy Wishing U. Sweet Dreams

Sweet Dreams My Angel


Go to sleep my angel and dream
Of heavenly places and heavenly faces
You shall be missed, my angel but rest in peace
In this world you could easily get hurt
Don't fret my angel you are safe in God's arms
He will take care of you
And will always be with you
Mortal dreams of riches, but my angel
You are rich for eternal life
So sleep now angel you are full of love and beauty
We will all be with you soon
Sweet dreams my angel
When you wake up you'll know that
Your dreams have come true

I LOVE YOU

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Enjoy playing on the rainbows sweetheart  / Mummy Who Loves U. With All Her Heart

I

LOVE

YOU

ALWAYS

SWEETHEART

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Happy Thanksgiving Kieran and Family!  / Jessie Kilian's Mom
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Ni-night baby  / Mummy Who Wants To Be Able To Kiss U. Good-night
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